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im stuck for words. i don't know what it is but when im wandering around the town, enjoying the fruits of the world. I have so many ideas about the world. So many opinions that i want to share and discuss but when it comes to fingers and keyboard time, im lost, stuck, the words and ideas are just not there.

I blame parliament.

Im feeling rather repressed. Heres a little bio on me; im 16. Now all through growing up i thought it was about time i had a little bit of say in my life. And i guess i do. but theres always something those few things that makes it so ill never really be in total control of my life. For instance i have two flesh holes in one of my ears, and i decided to make one of them bigger. Good old daddy-o pulled that angry face like i had served some great injustice upon him, im sorry but what does it haave to do with him. Its my ear im defacing. I never understtod what peoples problems were with they way other people looked. I mean sure i make passing comments but the way people dress is there personal chose, right.

theres so many boundaries in this world. so meany things we're just told we can't do. because weree too younge, too old, not the right gender or not ready. How does anyone know. I havnt really seen the world but ive meet a few people that could bust down stereotypes quite quickly. 15 year old gir;s that act as mature as fully grown women. And fully grown women stomp there feet and kick bins over.

Anyway the repression strikes again so i must be off. I apologise Emma that this blog doesn't meet the standards of a few of my other ones but you put me on the spot here.

Used And Abused. (Music)

Im quite pleased with myself at the moment ( not that im not usually, this time just doesn't seem to stay in the same boundaries as usual). I Have recently received my first, that i know of, review. After tirelessly graffiti-ing the streets of Hastings and St.Leonards with my 'Mazing posters , someone has finally acknowledge that i have a blog beyond; ' oh you have a blog right?, Yeah its okay ' =/

So this below is my review..below, oh yes. i almost cried..i did, okay i didn't but it was close...

" I was checking Cindy's blog a few moments ago, and I was literally stunned into silence. Bravo Cindy, because the last two blogs in particular, were beautiful. I'm truly envious, because I can't write like that. I won't even be able to check over this without shuddering with embarrassment. The way your words flow together, it's fearless. I never thought I'd say this, but I admire you!

Check her out at; http://listentoclouds.blogspot.com/ "

Get in there aye? I thought that was well good xD. I'll Become a fan of her work and if its anygood ill link ya =).

The most surprising thing was when emma told me she had written about me on her blog i thought it would be

a little rant about how people that cant use grammar correctly shouldn't be allowed access to the internet, so

this was truly a surprise.

Urrrm, theise were letters to myself when i was feeling really down one time. No worries i dont think like that

right now. I just thought id show you the idea of seeing your situations from other peoples points of veiw.

Dear Miss Wheeler

It has recently come to our attention that you are not a normal person. We have discussed your situation with lots of other normal teenagers, and we all agree you reacted in the completely wrong way..

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? Your suppose to be broken and hurt ??? Why aren't you broken and hurt. Is it because you rationalize what happened to you. Well you shouldn't you should be kicking over chairs at the injustice that has been directed to you.

Why?

We don't get it. You are not Normal. If you where normal, we wouldn't be sending you this letter and you would be single

Yours Astonished,

The Association Of Teenagers.

Dear Cindy,

You Cant Trust him anymore

You are a screwed up person

Your Family Suck

Your Gradually Getting Crap At everything

Well-done.

Yours Aggressively,

Cold Hard Truth Association.

Cindy,

WHAT THE FUCK???

Yours,

Everyone that has ever cared about you

( we are all astounded )

Dearest Cindy,

You have been a very good member of our society through the years so it is important that we also send you a letter.

We are aware that last night there were a certain amount of songs that u shuddered to look at. We understand that these songs have emotional significance to you so we can put ourselves in your shoes. But it is simply not acceptable to shut off half of your musical favorites because they make you think about things you would rather not.

We do not want this to become a problem but feel if this persists any longer we will have no choice but to consider revising your membership.

Your life can not get in the way of bordering you musical horizons.

Deepest Wishes.

The Society of Music Addicts

Dear Cindy,

We are worried about you.

Your not eating, you refuse to talk pleasantly to your step mother and last night you drowned yourself in the impressive collection of vodka hidden in your 4th draw down.

This is not healthy, we understand that a event in your life probably was the cause of this but we do not want you to start letting this effect your life..

The pains in your stomach and heart aren't ones of physical effect, so treating them as if they were could have serious repercussions.

Please look after yourself, as the death of you means the death of us.

We need you to stay sain or everything could go down hill for you, and subsequently..for us.

Yours until the end,

Your various vital organs.

Cindy.

What's going on. You know what's happening is wrong..why don't you do something about it. ?

I thought I knew you. I've had to take your place so much its really draining.

obviously I'm more than happy to sort out your life while you curl up in a ball on the floor, but I was wondering if this is going to end soon?

please write back as my current conversations with you seems to be lacking energy.

Love Jasper.

x

If you know me personally you might know what im talking about in them. But it doesn't matter any more that

was agis ago. Happy thought; Im off to holiday tomorrow yeayyyy =D

Whilst you were sleping...

The moments before I fall asleep I hear sounds that aren't there. Its like my imagination bursts from my head before I get around to drifting off to sleep. I know im not asleep yet, everything seems real and im aware of things. But there's that eary feeling of mystic drowsiness.

To start with the sounds could be mistaken for real sounds, dogs barking and police sirens. But then I hear people talking. Conversations ive heard before, people saying my name. All mixed together with my own surreal thoughts.

I love that feeling, half dreaming, half awake. So I stay upas late as I can to induce that feeling. Even though I know ill payt for it in the morning. But its worth it to be pulled away form reeality by your dreams

Most people like to dream but I more than most. You experience feelings so much more freely and sometimes more intensely as your brain cant rationalize your thoughts.

I had a half sleep dream last night. I knew I was in my bed but out of the cornor of my eye I could see myself leaning over a cliiff. I lost my footing. And just like real life a shock of panic and horror stuned me. I woke out of my dream but quickly driffted back.

In your dreams your feelings arnt restricted by reality or rationality . So they are so much more pure. Even pure confusion made so much better by your dreams not obeying the rules of what you know to be real.

Sometimes I wish I could stay in my dreams. As even the horrific feelings are quickly replaced wth muddled confusion. To be in a place where you have no bonderys, no sinking feelings and no constant parinnoyed worries. Its Truly a wonderful trick of the mind.

B'ahh. <3

Well I'd like to first congratulate myself on understanding the universe but this has only become possible because of something I worked out yesterday. This finding has lead me to belive I now know everything.

This great epiphany was brought to me whilst looking at the lights on a crossing. I was using my key observational skills to study the men used for signal weither or not it is safe to cross the road. Following my investigation I notice that the first of the men. Urbanly refured to as the ' red man', named one would presume because he is entirely made of red squares. Is standing in an upright halted position, indicating not safe, and would appear to be wearing a hat. This is symbolized by the two squares position either side of his head.

My attention was then drawn to the similarly dubed ' green man' ( only breafly for health and safty reasons ) and I am instantly aware that the green man does not seem to have a hat. And also seems to be taking a large hurried stride in a certain direction

This lead me belive that prehaps the men are not in fact indicating that it is safe to walk. As popularly belive but it is in fact a signal to say ' it is now safe to go running after your hat '

And wa la I now understand the universe. xD

Id also like to congratulate The members of Trilby and Your Best Shot. Good gig, i hope you both have many more in the future. Check em out people's ><

Congratulations Melliot (not a real name btw :P) and Raven. *Giggles a bit*

(y)- Summer.H,Lucy.D, Gigs and UglyBoots.

(n)- Ladders =( (the tights kind), Pot Noddle Droughts,Losing Best Friends,